I have spent a few hours driving in the last week and will spend some more with another trip to Michigan tomorrow and another next week. Yesterday's drive from Carlinville, IL to Chicago was one of the most ridiculous trips I have taken in a while. The abundance of bad drivers on the road these days makes me wish I had a teleportation device at my disposal. After talking with my front seat mate Ben, I have decided to publish a few rules of the road that if heeded, will make a four hour drive at the least, bearable.
1. Use your fricking cruise control. If you are in the middle of nowhere Illinois, put your cruise control on and leave it. There is no reason for you to range between 65-80. If you have to, think of it as you helping the environment - I don't care, just use it.
2. If I pass you, you are done. If I pass you and then you pass me back and sit in front of me, I will run you off the road. Yesterday, a gold mini-van passed me 5 times - yes, 5 times, and yes, I had the cruise control on. Once I pass you and then you pass me back, you hold no position on the road, I will not get over for you, I will cut you off, etc.
3. If you are in front of me, and together we pass someone, and then you sit in the left lane, I will pass you on the right. And no, you do not have the right to flip me off, like the trucker did last Wednesday. Get the f over.
4. If you want to pass me, fine, but don't sit in my blind spot for 2 miles. Just push the pedal down a little and you can be on your merry way.
5. When in construction zones, its ok to slow down. Just don't slow down to 10 mph lower than the new speed limit when the workers aren't even there that day.
6. If you are going 5 mph over the speed limit and you see a cop - don't slam on your brakes - if you do, I will call you an idiot.
7. If you are riding a motorcycle without a helmet, and I see one strapped to the back of your bike, you also will be called an idiot.
8. Have money ready at toll booths - better yet, get a stinkin IPass or whatever you need to zoom through - I mean, who lives in Chicago and doesn't have an IPass? It doesn't even cost any money!!!
Note to Illinois lawmakers - 65 is so geriatric - get into the new century and hit up the 70 mph.
If everyone could just follow those rules, it would make at least my trips that much more enjoyable.
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2 comments:
Matt, you did a nice job of not throwing all female drivers under the bus on this one. Especially when over 100% of the examples you wrote about (truckers excluded) were cars being driven by women. Girls, please use your mirrors and pay attention to those around you.
Hi Alison! I completely agree with you and loved reading this. Especially the one where people pass you over and over when you have your cruise on. I wish I had a sign that says: "I have my cruise on you dumbass!" I also have one to add: when you try to merge onto a new hwy at 40 mph it just doesn't work for anyone. And yes, if you do that, it WILL seem like the semi's are going to run you over and yes, I WILL zoom around you at a high speed. :)
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